I’m holding my son as I put him to sleep and tears are slowly falling. I want to freeze time. I want to have this moment forever. I want to hold him for as long as possible and never let go. And I start to think of you. Have you ever felt like this with the three of us? Do you still have those moments where you just want to freeze time so you can soak up these small and wonderful moments just for a bit longer? As I’m thinking about that I’m thinking of how much I love my baby boy. I’m realizing how much he means to me. And also how cute he is snuggling me in his sleep. I put him in his crib and it hits me. I cry harder. I get it. I understand the love you have for me and my siblings. The impossible, never-ending, indescribable, mother’s love. I finally get it now.
I realize all the sacrifices you’ve made both major and minor. All the times you wished to have a moment to yourself or to sleep just a few minutes longer and were denied. All the times that we irritated, frustrated and upset you. All those moments when you stayed up with us, worrying about us, and praying for us. All those times when we hurt you intentionally or not. All the times we made you think, “what were you thinking?”. And with all those crazy moments, you still never gave up on us, always hugged us, answered our calls, told us you loved us, offered to snuggle next to you even when we’re grown…just loved us unconditionally.
I understand the depth and breadth and true meaning behind all the times you said, “I love you” to all of us. I thought my love for you was as big as it gets but I was wrong. Knowing what I know now, loving my son the way I love him, I love you so much more for just being that loving mom that you have been to me and still are. And as I listen to my sweet precious baby boy snoring in his room, I hope I have many more “freeze time” moments and I hope he will love me at least half as much as I love you.
I love you so much,
Your Baby Girl