I’m reading this book called “Refuse to Choose!” by Barbara Sher. I don’t know why I checked out this book. Well, to be honest I do. I kept seeing it pop up on GoodReads and on Amazon and something told me to read it. So I checked it out from the library at the same time as “Soulmate Secret”. Unfortunately, “Refuse to Choose!” got pushed to the back burner while I quickly finished “Soulmate Secret”. Now I wish I hadn’t. This book is rather fascinating!
Yes, it’s another self-help, find your way or passion book. But this one is different. This one actually is helping me realize something:
There’s nothing wrong with me.
In American society, it’s find your passion, skill, talent and excel at it. Get that degree and get into that career field and become an expert or specialist! Make us proud! For some, that is the easiest thing in the world to do. Some knew what they were going to do from the moment they were born it seems. But for others it seems like they’re wishy-washy, lazy, unfocused, unreliable, can’t seem to make up their minds, can’t settle down with something, no follow through and the list goes on! But that’s not true. We want to figure it out, find our passion, our purpose and stick with it. But what is it? We honestly don’t know! We’ve read books, took various tests dealing with careers, passions and personalities, talked to counselors, asked family members and tried different fields and subjects only to be left with same problem as before. What are we suppose to do?! *dramatic sob*
I’m one of those people. And let me tell you it is not fun when your trying your best to figure things out and being criticized and pressured at the same time. Not fun. And it’s not like we have no interests and passions, it’s that we have way too many! It’s overwhelming! I don’t think I can list everything that I’ve wanted to do, tried to do, and actually did. So it’s not a matter of having something we’re good at or have an interest in, it’s trying to choose one!
We feel that everything we like is equally important and to neglect one is like neglecting a part of ourselves or one of our children (fur kids too!). Barbara Sher actually gives us a name, Scanners, and says that there is nothing wrong with us. Oh God! Really?! What a relief! You sure?
Sher makes the argument that people like me are just wired differently and can handle multiple interests at once. For example, I’ve been trying to narrow my major for years now and have often wonder why I can’t just learn and not have to actually get a degree. Why can’t I be a scholar or something like that? A career student. Yeah, career student. *Fantasizes a bit before the dream dies* But I can’t do that without money and the government will give me only so much in grants and they’ll probably expect something to show for it. So what am I suppose to do?
According to society, I’m not doing anything with my life. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? To feel like I’m worthless because I supposedly can’t choose and focus on ONE thing? To always feel guilty because I’m taking classes that I’M interested in and not classes that will count towards any major? To despise a simple question(What’s your major?) because answering it honestly gets condescending lectures, looks and comments? I feel like I’m doing something positive. I’m using my brain, I’m learning, I’m feel good about it, it’s something I like doing and I get shot down because I’m not “majoring” anything. (Apparently, I can’t major in myself.) I’m wasting my time. Am I really?
Ever wonder why there hasn’t been another great mind like Leonardo da Vinci? Because will kill him before he has a chance to grow. We make him feel guilty for being who he is. That’s why.
Think about it. Leonardo had many different interests and he dabbled in ALL of them and he rarely finished any of them. And yet, we considered him to be one of the greatest minds to have lived. During those times, that kind of thing was encouraged, nurtured, and admired.
We still have people who have many interests and great ideas that want, can, and attempt to do everything but we make them feel guilty for doing it. We call them unsuccessful or unfocused. And that’s being nice about it. People like that suffer and get depressed because they truly think something is wrong with them and have no idea how to fix it. And no one can help them because no one around them really understands them and how they think.
But back to the book! Like any self-help kind of book it’s divided up into sections. So I’m still in the first section describing what a scanner is. It’s kind of scary realizing how closely I fit the descriptions thus far.
For now, I’m liking the book. It’s helping me understand myself more and how I think.